wait.

Maybe I'll hold off a little bit on the video thing. I still haven't figured it out. But I am going to do that. And it will be boring, yet filled with substance and meaning. Like a ham sandwich. Well guess what: it happened. The inevitable. My mom is now engaged. I knew it. One look at him and WHAMMO! Instant step-father. He is all step-father. Not that I know what a step-father should be, but if I knew, I'd say he was it. He's so nice. Step-father? I am going to have one? Did I mention he prays? My mom told me today he has his whole sunday school class praying for me. Poor people. Something that does strike fear in my heart: he has kids. My age. Sons! This is terrible! How am I supposed to make a good impression when I'm in this situation? Wait! This means: STEP - SIBLINGS!!! I...

oh no. I'm not up for this. I can see it already. There will be gatherings. There will be cookouts. There will be things expected of me. Participation. Christmas! Holidays! Gift exchanges! My mom is beaming. She really likes him. So do I. He brings me leftovers whenever they eat out.

What about my dad? How am I supposed to have two dads? What if I

And what if they hook up before I'm all better? Then what? I am not moving in with them. That's where I draw the line. I'm staying here. Actually my mom already mentioned it. She said she'd help out with that until I can afford it on my own. Which I will. Soon. Just as soon as they rig my neck back up. But then again, tonight it occured to me, why not just stop fretting over everything and sit back and allow myself to be slowly decapitated, over time? Isn't that what would have happened to me if I lived 200 years ago? What became of the people who had this problem back then? Why not just "go natural"? It did cross my mind. I'm not kidding. That is a way through this. That is an option: doing nothing. In fact, in some ways, it could be a more dignified way to exist, as opposed to getting sliced and diced and what-not. I can only imagine what they are going to do to me. I might look like Frankenstein. I might have some kind of apparatus or metal screws coming out of me. It won't be the first time. I know all about having metal screws imbedded in your bones. I had it done when I was a kid, on my foot. They even scraped bone out of my leg to put in there. I can handle it. But what I won't handle is tagging along with my mom in her new life. Although that would be Utter Justice. If you don't know what I'm talking about then that's too bad.

Ok. What am I doing? I meant to get going on some videos. But I need to rest. Writing rambling and pointless blogs is a form of rest. Doing those heavy videos wore me out. I had the shakes for days. I have to balance it all out. Oh! My betta has a new addiction: egg whites. He can't get enough of them. Whenever I stand at the sink eating a hard-boiled egg, he floats over and stares me down. I break off a tiny bit and drop it in, and he goes absolutely ape. He stalks it and attacks it, shreds it, dominates it, devours it. He loves them. But he sure is pooping a lot these days.